life worlds

like it or not, we often relate to our 'reality' through the life experiences of those around us - those who reside within the same cultural and social circles of our everyday. i remember being a young girl, influenced by the concept of 'wanting'. wanting certain things, to experience them just because the other girls had them. freedom. being able to get a haircut from a salon and not mom's brutal bowl-shaped 'bob' style. Polly Pockets. small girly worlds encapsulated within cute, colorful pocket-sized compact cases that, well, fitted our pockets, but not without the existence of a huge bulge on the side of the pinafore. an intrusion to the girlish figure.

the teenage years are harder. association. belonging. peer pressure. we begin to form ideas about friendships, boy-girl relationships (BGR, as they termed it). we begin to develop ideals of who we are in relation or in constrast to others. we create fads to differentiate ourselves from the masses. black bracelet bands. short socks. never tucking in our blouses. solidarity in defiance. in juxtaposition, or in agreement to one another. the teenage years, filled with carefree moments of fun and play, indented by major examinations that bring about misery. solidarity in misery. great milestones of the education system. all hail.

leaving the teenage years. university. everyone seems motivated. some are motivated to play. others, motivated to work and work. get on the dean's list. get that perfect CAP score. score. and then there are those motivated to cause impact. impact. looking at the motivated ones keeps one in check. am i doing enough? should i do more? should i care? what can i do? it shapes the way we begin to make choices. choices about what we want to experience, and how we choose to experience them.

and then comes the mid-20s. for those who go on to become 'real adults', they move into the working world. but for some of my friends and i, we chose the postgraduate path. resisting reality for a little while more. looking at our friends who are working and earning, we are reminded of the need, the want for money. savings. zilch. postgraduates are usually financially-challenged (FC) people. yes they have a lot of free time, but they're FC. to a certain extent. the mid-20s also introduce another 'necessary' step to ones social evolution to adulthood - serious relationships and marriage. being a single 25-year-old (soon to be 26) woman in Singapore, who also happens to belong to an ethnic community that prides the value of a woman on her being married, is agitating. i repeat. agitating. looking at friends and cousins who are married, some with a child, reminds us that they're either going too fast, or we, too slow. and so, this period of mid-20s has lately been alot about marriage. when. who. where. how does the dress look like. why are you still single!? SPG. single. picky/petty. girl. hmm.

i'm not sure what the patterns will be as we progress into our 30s and 40s. perhaps it'll be about job security. are you earning your first million? or about the family. are you pregnant yet? are you getting your own place? divorce? or maybe about achievements. nobel prize!? who knows. but i'm very sure that we will all reach a phase in our lives when we start conversations with Death. that person we went to primary school with, passed away last week. recognizing familiar faces on the orbituary page. people we've grown up with, now gone, reminding us of our mortality in this world. reminding us of our regrets of the younger days. the good moments. the bad ones. reflections. the past summed up in stories told over casual dinners. the 'future' embedded in that present day, in and of itself. of life, and living.